Socialism & Stuff

'Fact is, because socialism is a lie, people have to keep pushing the lie. When someone says, “Hey, my brother is a socialist,” they never follow it with, “you know, that ideology based on envy that’s responsible for the deaths of millions.” No instead it’s, “He sells Che shirts out of hemp, when he isn’t recycling sex toys for the homeless. God he’s so caring.”

Fact is, socialism is the easiest thing you can romanticize, because it’s a big fat exaggeration of “sharing.” As kids, we were always told to share, because sharing is good. If you had twenty Playboys under your bed, surely you could hand one off to Billy, who has none. Socialism has always piggybacked on this notion: that it’s just not right for you to have so much, when others have so little. Never mind that you’ve earned what you’ve got, while the others sit around watching Judge Judy in their underpants (sorry Bill). Socialism is government forcing you to share your stuff with jerks.

So the only way to teach American adults that socialism is evil, is to get them when they’re young. The next time your son mows the lawn, instead of paying him directly – tell him you’re going to “spread it around,” to quote our President. Yep, even though you did all the work, Tommy, there are kids down the block who deserve that money just as much.

Now, if your kid finds this idea appealing, you have full permission to send him to Venezuela. He can mow for Hugo!'

- Greg Gutfeld, 'Socialism and Stuff'.


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