The real problem of a sexless marriage

A sexless marriage is not an actual problem — it’s just one outward symptom of a deeper disease. In focusing on fixing sexlessness in a marriage we miss the source of what’s driving it. In any marriage — apart from where physical illness prevents partners from performing — when either husband or wife all of a sudden isn’t interested in sex the reason is so obvious and simple it seems silly to point it out: something else exists that is more important to them than their marriage. They have found a new idol and their devotion to it will destroy their lives as a result. They are engaged in self-sacrifice in service to their new deity.

This whole viral discussion got started because supposedly the wife was turning down the husband because she was too busy with her career and it was tiring her. In other words, she loves her job more than him. She has made her job the false god of her life and she is willing to let her marriage collapse and deteriorate as a result.

Both of these problems — her idolizing the job, and him idolizing orgasms to distract from the pain of being unloved — derive from each of them trying to fill their own innate spiritual emptiness with something that can never satisfy them like the depth of a religious practice that focuses all aspects of their being on worshiping a higher power...

- Dave Swindle, 'Deeply Religious Marriages Are Better Than Secularist Civil Unions.'


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