Miles to go for the Indian Husband

My agreement with Lavanya's description of 'good men' in India comes with exceptions. That's because one, Lavanya misses out on what's 'really' important to wives in India, and two, she sugarcoats the Indian husband's weakness as his 'nesting in family and community'.

A 'helpful' Indian husband works only as a 'hygiene factor' for an Indian wife. That is, a lack of such 'help' may pull the wife down, but a presence is never a motivating factor. So what is the 'motivating factor' that can give the Indian wife a high? A husband who can stand up and be his own man (read, stand up to his mom when she is in error, and side with his wife), one who can and will take to his individuality sans any familial ties.

Check the commercial above (watch the husband for the nano-second he's on) and you'll know what I am talking about. The Indian husband stays in the shadow of his mom most of time. He isn't yet independent enough to see his wife's individuality outside of her relevance to what he considers as family. To him she is a wife, a daughter-in-law, a mother, a homemaker, and so on. Never a woman with a mind of her own.

What Lavanya calls sticking to familial ties, I call servility to the collective's wishes. When she recommends not 'taking away' those familial ties from the Indian husband, I wince, because that's exactly what needs to be done. Cut the Indian husband off, and he'll stand on his own two feet. He'll see his wife as more than just a 'part' in the 'scheme of things'. That is when it can truly be said the Indian husband has arrived.

Till then, its just the 'hygeine' story. 


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